“You know that guy is no good!”
«Here we go again…» I though after his complaining.
“Dad! I’m going to New York with him!” I finally said wanting to finish all that fighting!
“No you ain’t!” he yelled.
“Dad… I’ve already sent the papers to New York fashion Institute… So I’m going…”
I looked at him coldly while he looked at the floor, he didn’t say a word. After a long break he said with sadness in his voice .
“Do what you want…” I started feeling guilty again “If you wanna go, just leave.” He continued. “But when you go just remember… I won’t take you back, I won’t take you as my daughter… If you leave don’t even bother coming back.” He was speaking his heart, so sure about that he was that I wouldn’t even put a question, he would never turn back in his words… He meant all that…
“Dad…” I said in the guiltiest voice I ever had.
“Just go to your room…”
“But…”
“Go!” he interrupted me yelling, and I just obeyed…
“Okay…” I said picking up my bag.
terça-feira, 22 de fevereiro de 2011
domingo, 20 de fevereiro de 2011
Poem I
It’s a dream sweetieIt’s your own sweet pain
I know you hold it very still
It drives you madly insane!
Deep inside
You buried her alive
Crawling over the floor
She wants always more…
More!
More!
More!
Fuck those demons
And again the scored!
The ghosts of living-dead memories
Scratch my back in my sleep
They keep showing,
They keep calling,
They keep screaming as I breathe!
My eyes wide opened
Try to see beyond the line
As my body become dust
As my blood become wine!
When I wake up
I’m still not me…
As you can notice,
As you can see…
I’m holding you still
I just can’t let go
After all I love you,
And that’s all I really know…
Even if I say no
I’m sure you’ll hold me tight
When the monsters come out
You’ll protect me at night…
At least I try to believe
In the words my mouth keeps saying
At least I try to remember
The silly looks of tender…
sábado, 19 de fevereiro de 2011
Airplanes [Prologue part 1]
“Good afternoon dad!” I said when I came back from school.
“Hey…” He said. I threw my bag to the couch and I sat beside him.
“Is everything okay?”
“What the fuck are those bags in your bed?!” he screamed.
«Holy Shit…» I thought, my dad was mad, very mad.
“Oh…” I started “I was planning to tell you…”
“When?!” he interrupted me “By the time you left home?” he punched the couch and I get up instantly. He was scaring me.
“No father… Today! I-I was just waiting to Gaara and Kankuro to arrive home…” my hands were shaking a little, I was nervous about his reaction.
“Tell me now… It’s better for you!” he said in a low tone while getting up of the sofa. I look him in the eyes and I said firmly.
“I’m going to New York.” My dad blinked twice.
“You what? Sorry but I didn’t hear it well…” I knew he was about to get mad, his pupils were in dilatation, he was becoming possessed by anger…
“I am going… to New York…” I repeated slowly.
“No way!” he yelled “There’s no way your going to New York! When had you decide that? Without even asking me for an opinion!”
“I started planning it a month ago…” I was terrified, my voice was trembling and so were my hands, they’re as cold as ice.
´”Stupid girl!” he cracked his fingers “Who do you think you are to take that kind of decisions? And let me guess! I almost know with who were you going with!” I was scared, so scared I could barely talk, I finally took a deep breath and then I felt ready to go ahead in that discussion…
“Yes dad. I’m sure you know it quite well. I’m going with Shikamaru.” I made sure he understood the higher tone in I’m going because I was still decided to go and he wouldn’t stop me.
“You don’t know how life is! How hard it is to survive! You’re just a child Temari!” he continued right after my confession like he didn’t hear me. “ I always knew that you were immature and with no sense at all but this is beyond all my expectations! … Wait…” he realized finally what I said… “What did you say?”
“I…” I started again. “I’m going… with him…” My voice failed in the last part and my father’s face started to turn red just like a tomato… Maybe I wasn’t as mighty as I liked to look but still I was looking at him straight in the eyes, I was not trying to challenge him or something but that was my way to look at the people, I just couldn’t help it… I could feel his anger growing in each breathing he took and I was afraid he couldn’t hold it, yes, I was afraid that my dad would just be mad enough to beat the crap out of me! It wouldn’t be the first time. I heard the door keys… Gaara and Kankuro arrived home and I never felt so happy to see them!
«Shit…» I first thought «Saved by the jerks!»
In the right moment they closed the door and said hi to father he just punched the wall with all his strength not making a hole but opening a fend that got like crazy ‘til the ceiling! My brothers were staring perplexes…
“I never thought you’d be so stupid! But now I know it! You’re just as stupid and immature as your mother! Just like her!” he kept yelling. Dad was trying to piss me off talking trash about my mother and he was almost achieving his goal… Gaara and Kakuro just went upstairs to their room… they didn’t want to get involved.
“What did you say?” I never had a great relationship with my father… he was always complaining about everything I did and sometimes it seemed that he wasn’t happy with me, he wanted me to be perfect… He wanted me to be a boy... And I was a girl, so I was always put aside… He wanted his first child to be a son and not a daughter…
“You heard it! You’re just as stupid as your mother! Immature, selfish, just a little girl! And you say you’re nineteen when you act like you’re ten?” his cheeks were so red he could explode. At first I didn’t want to believe in his words… How could he dare to talk like that about my mother?! I looked at him with eyes like fire balls.
“How dare you? …” I mumbled looking at the floor.
“I’m sorry?” he said “What did you say?”
“I said…” I made a pause and then yelled “How dare you?! You talk about my mom like she was nothing but trash!”
“Watch your tongue young girl!” he yelled louder than me. “I’m still you farther”
“I know! But that doesn’t give you the right to talk trash about my mom! I don’t care if you’re my father! You could even be the Higher Priest or God!” my hands were shaking cold; I never faced my dad like that before.
“I knew that we should get rid of you the moment you were born!” he made a convulsing pause and I looked into his eyes with the devil in my soul. “You’ insolent child! You don’t have the minimal idea of what you’re doing to your life!” he started walking at me.
“Dad!” I yelled sure of myself “I’m totally sure of what I’m doing with my life, I’m totally sure of what I’m saying… And I don’t think I can stand one more week in this damn place! I’m 18, you can’t stop me from doing what I want!”
“I guess you’re right… I can’t stop you from ruining your life! For fuck sake! You’re 18 and your dating a guy 6 years older than you! You think his all in love but he’s just want to eat you up! Don’t be stupid!” He look straight into my eyes, I bet that he noticed the tears he made me drop. “You said that I can’t talk about your mother but you’re just like her! Stupid, Selfish, without common sense to make choices!”
“Perhaps she was actually kind off to dumb to choose such a dick like you! You’re right!” I said in order to make fun of him…
He didn’t answer for a while and then said in a low tone.
“Yes… and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes…” he sat down in the sofa. For some reason I started feeling bad and guilty for the things I’d said…
“I just…” he started while hiding his face in his hands. “I just want you to have a great life… I don’t want you to get hurt or sad…”
“I… I ‘m sorry dad.” I continued with that heavy feeling inside me. “I didn’t mean that…”
“You know that I love you sweetheart…”
“I understand dad… But even so…” I just had to put my own decisions first… my own needs…
“Hey…” He said. I threw my bag to the couch and I sat beside him.
“Is everything okay?”
“What the fuck are those bags in your bed?!” he screamed.
«Holy Shit…» I thought, my dad was mad, very mad.
“Oh…” I started “I was planning to tell you…”
“When?!” he interrupted me “By the time you left home?” he punched the couch and I get up instantly. He was scaring me.
“No father… Today! I-I was just waiting to Gaara and Kankuro to arrive home…” my hands were shaking a little, I was nervous about his reaction.
“Tell me now… It’s better for you!” he said in a low tone while getting up of the sofa. I look him in the eyes and I said firmly.
“I’m going to New York.” My dad blinked twice.
“You what? Sorry but I didn’t hear it well…” I knew he was about to get mad, his pupils were in dilatation, he was becoming possessed by anger…
“I am going… to New York…” I repeated slowly.
“No way!” he yelled “There’s no way your going to New York! When had you decide that? Without even asking me for an opinion!”
“I started planning it a month ago…” I was terrified, my voice was trembling and so were my hands, they’re as cold as ice.
´”Stupid girl!” he cracked his fingers “Who do you think you are to take that kind of decisions? And let me guess! I almost know with who were you going with!” I was scared, so scared I could barely talk, I finally took a deep breath and then I felt ready to go ahead in that discussion…
“Yes dad. I’m sure you know it quite well. I’m going with Shikamaru.” I made sure he understood the higher tone in I’m going because I was still decided to go and he wouldn’t stop me.
“You don’t know how life is! How hard it is to survive! You’re just a child Temari!” he continued right after my confession like he didn’t hear me. “ I always knew that you were immature and with no sense at all but this is beyond all my expectations! … Wait…” he realized finally what I said… “What did you say?”
“I…” I started again. “I’m going… with him…” My voice failed in the last part and my father’s face started to turn red just like a tomato… Maybe I wasn’t as mighty as I liked to look but still I was looking at him straight in the eyes, I was not trying to challenge him or something but that was my way to look at the people, I just couldn’t help it… I could feel his anger growing in each breathing he took and I was afraid he couldn’t hold it, yes, I was afraid that my dad would just be mad enough to beat the crap out of me! It wouldn’t be the first time. I heard the door keys… Gaara and Kankuro arrived home and I never felt so happy to see them!
«Shit…» I first thought «Saved by the jerks!»
In the right moment they closed the door and said hi to father he just punched the wall with all his strength not making a hole but opening a fend that got like crazy ‘til the ceiling! My brothers were staring perplexes…
“I never thought you’d be so stupid! But now I know it! You’re just as stupid and immature as your mother! Just like her!” he kept yelling. Dad was trying to piss me off talking trash about my mother and he was almost achieving his goal… Gaara and Kakuro just went upstairs to their room… they didn’t want to get involved.
“What did you say?” I never had a great relationship with my father… he was always complaining about everything I did and sometimes it seemed that he wasn’t happy with me, he wanted me to be perfect… He wanted me to be a boy... And I was a girl, so I was always put aside… He wanted his first child to be a son and not a daughter…
“You heard it! You’re just as stupid as your mother! Immature, selfish, just a little girl! And you say you’re nineteen when you act like you’re ten?” his cheeks were so red he could explode. At first I didn’t want to believe in his words… How could he dare to talk like that about my mother?! I looked at him with eyes like fire balls.
“How dare you? …” I mumbled looking at the floor.
“I’m sorry?” he said “What did you say?”
“I said…” I made a pause and then yelled “How dare you?! You talk about my mom like she was nothing but trash!”
“Watch your tongue young girl!” he yelled louder than me. “I’m still you farther”
“I know! But that doesn’t give you the right to talk trash about my mom! I don’t care if you’re my father! You could even be the Higher Priest or God!” my hands were shaking cold; I never faced my dad like that before.
“I knew that we should get rid of you the moment you were born!” he made a convulsing pause and I looked into his eyes with the devil in my soul. “You’ insolent child! You don’t have the minimal idea of what you’re doing to your life!” he started walking at me.
“Dad!” I yelled sure of myself “I’m totally sure of what I’m doing with my life, I’m totally sure of what I’m saying… And I don’t think I can stand one more week in this damn place! I’m 18, you can’t stop me from doing what I want!”
“I guess you’re right… I can’t stop you from ruining your life! For fuck sake! You’re 18 and your dating a guy 6 years older than you! You think his all in love but he’s just want to eat you up! Don’t be stupid!” He look straight into my eyes, I bet that he noticed the tears he made me drop. “You said that I can’t talk about your mother but you’re just like her! Stupid, Selfish, without common sense to make choices!”
“Perhaps she was actually kind off to dumb to choose such a dick like you! You’re right!” I said in order to make fun of him…
He didn’t answer for a while and then said in a low tone.
“Yes… and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes…” he sat down in the sofa. For some reason I started feeling bad and guilty for the things I’d said…
“I just…” he started while hiding his face in his hands. “I just want you to have a great life… I don’t want you to get hurt or sad…”
“I… I ‘m sorry dad.” I continued with that heavy feeling inside me. “I didn’t mean that…”
“You know that I love you sweetheart…”
“I understand dad… But even so…” I just had to put my own decisions first… my own needs…
Airplanes [Trailer teaser]
N/A: I was listening the song Airplanes and I had that feeling that I had to write something with it so I made up this hole fanfic (in like... 5 minutes) and I'm writing it down ^^ Hope You like =D Here's the trailer, like a little preview so I can know what you guys think ^^
Try to imagine it like a movie in your head... The main characters are Temari, Shikamaru from Naruto.
2nd June, 2009
"Yes baby and now it's just you and me…"
A Year later…
7th August, 2010
*Shikamaru's cell phone starts ringing*
"Hey baby girl! What's up?"
"You finally picked up! I'm so happy…"
"Sorry hon' I was kinda busy you know…"
"It doesn't matter. I just wanted to know if you…"
"Shikamaru?"
"Hold on a second babe."
"Okay…"
"Hey , What the problem?"
"No problem founded. I wanted to know if I can count with you tonight at my private party to deal the final contract with the music producer…"
"Of Course I'll be there."
"Good… See ya later then."
"See ya. Honey are you there?"
"Your girlfriend doesn't mind that you're out all day and night?"
"No Ino… She a sweetie I have to admit…"
"And… She's not afraid that you could cheat on her?"
"She has plain trust in me! So no… She's not afraid of that… She knows I love her more than everything…"
"Hm…But… with such… an handsome boyfriend… I would be afraid… *whispering* If it was me I would never let you go…
*Singing in front of the wall window looking to the sky*
"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now… Wish right now… Wish right now…"
"Five years together and everything's the same!"
"Calm down Temari… You know he's full of work…"
"Full of work my ass Sakura! He's joking around joining every party with sluts around him and I'm supposed to be calm? Every time he comes home it's already 3 or 4 a.m…"
"Wow… I didn't know things were that bad…"
"Yeah… Normally that part nobody knows…"
"I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT!"
"Calm down baby…"
"I just can't! You are out all time! I don't even remember the last night we share that bed! Even in our birthday you were out… Five years and it's this?"
"Do you think it's easy for me? It's my job! I'm paid for that!
(…)
"One day you'll come back home and I won't be here anymore… Maybe in that day you'll miss me…"
"I love her! I really do! But sometimes she just doesn't understand…"
"She's too naïve… She doesn't even belong to this world…Maybe you should seek another girl… and forget her…"
(…)
"Why did you kissed me?"
"I just couldn't resist… Sorry…"
"Kiss me again girl!"
*Singing* "I could really use a wish right now…
Wish right now,
Wish right now…
Try to imagine it like a movie in your head... The main characters are Temari, Shikamaru from Naruto.
I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS (they belong to MASASHI KISHIMOTO)
2nd June, 2009
"I'm going to New York with him!"
"No you ain't!"
"Dad… I've already sent the papers to New York Fashion Institute… So… I'm going!"
(...)
"This is a dream!"
"No you ain't!"
"Dad… I've already sent the papers to New York Fashion Institute… So… I'm going!"
(...)
"Yes baby and now it's just you and me…"
***********
A Year later…
7th August, 2010
*Shikamaru's cell phone starts ringing*
"Hey baby girl! What's up?"
"You finally picked up! I'm so happy…"
"Sorry hon' I was kinda busy you know…"
"It doesn't matter. I just wanted to know if you…"
"Shikamaru?"
"Hold on a second babe."
"Okay…"
"Hey , What the problem?"
"No problem founded. I wanted to know if I can count with you tonight at my private party to deal the final contract with the music producer…"
"Of Course I'll be there."
"Good… See ya later then."
"See ya. Honey are you there?"
"Hey…"
"What were you saying?"
"Oh never mind… It doesn't really matter…"
"Okay… Look I have a work thing tonight… So I'm going to be late and I'll not have dinner sweetheart…"
" *sigh* Okay… See you later… Kisses…"
"Bye."
*Turns off the phone*
" *sigh* I love you…"
"What were you saying?"
"Oh never mind… It doesn't really matter…"
"Okay… Look I have a work thing tonight… So I'm going to be late and I'll not have dinner sweetheart…"
" *sigh* Okay… See you later… Kisses…"
"Bye."
*Turns off the phone*
" *sigh* I love you…"
**********
"Your girlfriend doesn't mind that you're out all day and night?"
"No Ino… She a sweetie I have to admit…"
"And… She's not afraid that you could cheat on her?"
"She has plain trust in me! So no… She's not afraid of that… She knows I love her more than everything…"
"Hm…But… with such… an handsome boyfriend… I would be afraid… *whispering* If it was me I would never let you go…
**********
*Singing in front of the wall window looking to the sky*
"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now… Wish right now… Wish right now…"
**********
"Five years together and everything's the same!"
"Calm down Temari… You know he's full of work…"
"Full of work my ass Sakura! He's joking around joining every party with sluts around him and I'm supposed to be calm? Every time he comes home it's already 3 or 4 a.m…"
"Wow… I didn't know things were that bad…"
"Yeah… Normally that part nobody knows…"
**********
"I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT!"
"Calm down baby…"
"I just can't! You are out all time! I don't even remember the last night we share that bed! Even in our birthday you were out… Five years and it's this?"
"Do you think it's easy for me? It's my job! I'm paid for that!
(…)
"One day you'll come back home and I won't be here anymore… Maybe in that day you'll miss me…"
**********
"I love her! I really do! But sometimes she just doesn't understand…"
"She's too naïve… She doesn't even belong to this world…Maybe you should seek another girl… and forget her…"
(…)
"Why did you kissed me?"
"I just couldn't resist… Sorry…"
"Kiss me again girl!"
**********
*Singing* "I could really use a wish right now…
Wish right now,
Wish right now…
END
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